Days of Sadness

I never thought i will get myself diagnosed at Polyclinic for Depression. Certified.. Was being asked to proceed to IMH immediately. Nope.. I held my step there (14/2/14) till now..

One entire sick family. But no one to help. Down with fever and bad nose, bodyache + endless and plenty of grouchy uncooperative crying baby clinging to me. Asked for The Man not to work, the reasons he gave adds it all up to my meltdowns for 2 days, crying like i had never cried before..

1. You still want me to change job meh? (Since when did i request that?!).

2. I'm more worried that bills cannot be accounted for. (I do have the worse backup plan).

3. My Co is same like ur previous Co (law firm). Manpower shortage. (So if they never increase manpower, u're forever going to backstash ur family?).

Doctor advise you NOT to work, at least your health comes first before everything. What happens if anything illness takes you away? Will your death leave behind a huge and endless sum of monies that will covered till next generation? .

THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANTED....

The amount of stress and the burden of a MOTHER ... is too much..

I cant cope. .

Everyone thinks, its a mum's responsibility to take charge of EVERYTHING. Yes, no doubt.

But have limitations. Not everyone will exceed their limit..

I have and DO exceeded mine..

I have meltdowns, i have breakdowns, i cried, i smoke AGAIN to remove the thin stretch of stress..

I have thought about ending it all again. Its just too much. .

The Man cannot understand. He behaves like a kid..

Thinks like a kid..

Cannot make decision..

Cannot be on his own..

From tip to toe, its must be all within my knowledge even to his shoe size, belt size. .

I'm exhausted. .

But all his has was "its all duties of being a wife".

That rewarding sentence.. Thanks..